What's In A Name
by angelofdarkness78
Summary: Alec thinks about his name and Max, and about what they both mean to him. Alec Standalone. Please R


Author: angelofdarkness78

Summary: Alec thinks about his name and how he feels about it and Max.

Disclaimer: For all you nincompoops who don't know that I don't own Dark Angel… well, I think I just said it didn't I?

A/N: This is an Alec standalone and is written in his POV. I hope you like it. BTW, for those big MA shippers, check out my fic, "Love Can Be Found Anywhere, Even In Hell". It's totally MA and you'll like it. (I hope. LOL) Please review and give me feedback.

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What's in a name?

I've heard this many times but no one's ever given a definite answer. Maybe that's because they don't understand what it's like not to have a name, to be living but without any true identity. They take having a name for granted, where I cherish mine. They probably think that having such a trivial thing doesn't matter in life, when to me it makes all the difference in the world.

Imagine being someone alive in the world with no self-identity. I've been there. Oh sure, I've had many names when I've gone away on missions, but none of them were truly mine. I couldn't call myself by any of them; because they weren't mine. They didn't suit me. All I really was was X5-494. A number. That was what differentiated me from the world. I'm human, or at least mostly human. I look human and I breathe, sleep, get hungry and feel pain. I'm exactly like the ordinaries, but at the same time completely different. I never fit in with them before, because I was a number, a thing, not a person.

I was never completely whole before I had my name. I made myself believe that I didn't care, didn't need one. I was superior to the ordinaries anyway. So what if I had a number? But deep down I longed for one, one that would bring all the components that made X5-494 together into creating me. Because I was basically who I am now, except that now I have a name tying everything together. Alec.

Max came into my life like a full raging storm, showing me that there were some good things on the outside, that maybe things weren't so bad out there. She showed me that I was missing out on a lot of things, and the most important of all she gave to me.

Alec.

She gave me my name and immediately that hole in my life closed up. I now had a name, and even more, she had given it to me. That made the gift she had given me even more precious. She had basically given me life. I was a person now. I had a name and I didn't feel inferior to the ordinaries then. It wasn't as if they were stronger or faster or smarter than me, but they all had names, and that was their strength. Well, I had one now, and my personality grew to live up to my name although Max wasn't exactly happy with that.

See, the thing with names, is that they could be basically anything, but at least they'd be yours. Hell, I wouldn't have cared if my name was Fixit or Zero or any of the stupid names Max had given those kids. Because at least I'd still have one. Those poor kids though; I bet they'll be flaunting their names because they finally have one and the ordinaries will probably laugh at them. I bet they wouldn't care; their names belonged to them.

When Max had named me, I had acted like it was no big deal, but in truth it was a very big deal. I was filled with warmth inside and I finally felt like I had a purpose in life. I wasn't just a soldier who was supposed to kill and obey orders; I was a person who deserved to be treated with respect.

I felt bad when I had tricked Max and helped her escape because she didn't know that she was going to probably end up killing the person she cared so much about. When I saw her and Mr. Eyes Only kissing however, all my guilt evaporated. Stupid git, she deserved more than him.

When I had that bomb stuck in the back of my head and I was running out of time, I turned on her. I had everything set and ready. Joshua was down and so was Max. I had the knife in my hand and all I had to do was bring it down.

I couldn't do it.

Her eyes pleaded with me. She wasn't angry at the time, she just looked disappointed. Here I was, about to kill the person who had given me my name, my life. She made me whole and I was ready to kill her?

I wasn't a killer anymore. It didn't matter that there was a bomb in my head, I couldn't do it. Because if I had killed her, I might as well have been ending my life too.

She was angry at me, but she still took me to the lab geek to get rid of the explosive. It was either the cure for the virus or my life.

She chose me.

My feelings grew for her and it hurt me when I saw the pain in her eyes that I had caused. Not only had she given me my life, she made sure that I kept it too. She told me to go away, and I did, but I didn't leave Seattle.

I couldn't.

I had grown too attached now. She had given me my name and I would owe her for the rest of my life. I wouldn't leave her side. I would have her back whether she wanted me to or not.

Lydecker would probably be laughing at me if he had known that I had grown attached to Max just because she gave me a name. Screw him. He was born with a name; he doesn't know how it feels to be without one. Because without a name you feel non-existent. If you meet someone, you'll be like, "Hi. My name is…?" You'll search your mind and come up with a fake name. And it'll keep changing. I don't want to do that anymore. I don't want to meet people under false pretences. I want to be someone. I want people to know me as me.

So, after all this time, I have an answer to that question.

When somebody asks, "What's in a name?"

I'll answer…

Everything.

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A/N: I hope you guys liked that. I enjoyed writing it, or actually, my fingers moved and it wrote itself. I'm actually very proud of how this turned out. Please review and give me feedback. 


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